Are you struggling with controlling your sexual desires? Well, you’re not alone. It’s quite normal to have those urges. After all, you’re human. However, it’s also important that you learn how to have self-control sexually. In this post, I’ll share 15 practical tips that will help you manage your sexual impulses and what you stand to gain from doing so. So, let’s dive right in!
Key Takeaways
- Sexual self-control refers to an individual’s ability to manage their sexual impulses while making conscious decisions about when, where, and with whom to engage in any sexual activity.
- There are three main types of self-control namely: behavioral self-control, emotional self-control, and cognitive self-control.
- Some practical ways to have self-control sexually are to set boundaries, identify triggers for your sexual urges, avoid tempting situations, avoid pornography, exercise, practice mindfulness, and abstain from drugs or alcohol.
What is Sexual Self-control?
Sexual self-control refers to an individual’s ability to manage their sexual impulses while making conscious decisions about when, where, and with whom to engage in any sexual activity. It involves a great deal of self-awareness, discipline, and the ability to resist temptations.
If you’re familiar with Greek mythology, then you’ve probably heard the tale of Odysseus and the Sirens. They were warned of the Sirens who used their lovely voices to lure sailors to their death. As a result, they had to block their ears to avoid getting killed by the singing Sirens as they passed through, as entertaining as their singing must have been.
Similarly, even though sex itself is not bad, it can be quite problematic if you’re unable to control your sexual impulses and urges. You should be able to resist temptations to avoid putting yourself in dangerous situations. Hence, having sexual self-control is very crucial.
Types of Self-control
There are three main types of self-control namely: behavioral self-control, emotional self-control, and cognitive self-control.
Behavioral Self-control
This involves controlling actions and impulses that can have negative effects or consequences. For instance, a person who struggles with overeating can use behavioral self-control to resist the temptation of eating unhealthy foods and maintaining a healthy diet. Behavioral self-control can also be used in managing other addictions and procrastination.
Emotional Self-control
This type of self-control involves managing emotions that arise in response to different triggers. It is quite helpful in managing emotions like anxiety, stress, anger, sadness, etc. For instance, a person prone to anger can use emotional self-control to manage their emotions, thereby avoiding the negative responses that that emotion could have triggered, such as aggressive behavior toward those around them.
Cognitive Self-control
This involves managing one’s thoughts, attention, and beliefs. Cognitive self-control can be used to overcome distractions, maintain motivation, and make rational decisions. For instance, a person who struggles with procrastination can use cognitive self-control to focus their attention on the task at hand and avoid distractions rather than making excuses.
Why Do I Always Think Sexually?
If you often wonder why you always think sexually, there are different reasons why that might be so. It could be a result of a high sex drive, hormones, or even your past experiences.
Ultimately, being sexually aware and responsive is not necessarily a problem. It only becomes one when it begins to interfere negatively with other aspects of your life. If that is the case, I would advise that you get some professional help from a therapist or counselor as soon as possible.
15 Practical Ways To Have Self-control Sexually
Here are 15 practical ways to have self-control sexually:
Set Boundaries
The first practical way to have self-control is to set boundaries. Setting boundaries does a great deal in helping you curb your sexual impulses. Some boundaries that you could put in place may be having a limit on which sexual activities you can partake in with your partner or maybe the depth of your emotional attachment to that person. Whatever boundaries you decide on, ensure that you communicate them with your partner so that you’re both on the same page.
Identify Triggers for Your Sexual Urges
Identifying your triggers is another practical way to have self-control sexually. Your triggers can be anything like alcohol or being alone with someone you’re attracted to. Recognizing your triggers makes it easier for you to manage them. This will in turn prove helpful for you exercising self-control sexually.
Avoid Tempting Situations
One other way to learn how to have self-control sexually is by avoiding tempting situations. If you’re aware that certain situations or locations trigger your sexual desires, then the best thing to do is to steer clear of such situations or places. Doing this will help in preventing you from being impulsive and engaging in the very sexual activities that you are trying to avoid.
Avoid Pornography
Research has proven that people who are exposed to pornography have increased sexual desire and arousal. Hence, avoiding all forms of pornographic content helps in controlling your sexual urges.
Such contents only leave you with somewhat unrealistic and insatiable sexual urges that could become uncontrollable. Rather than indulging in pornography, engage in other healthy and productive activities like spending time with friends and family or taking up a new hobby.
Exercise
One other effective measure for practicing self-control sexually is to have regular exercise. When you engage in physical activities, your body releases endorphins which naturally help to alleviate stress or tension. Consequently, this reduces the chances of you indulging yourself in any sexual behavior impulsively.
Also, having exercise regularly helps to provide a routine for you which has proven to be quite helpful for those dealing with addictions or impulsive behaviors.
Practice Mindfulness
Another practical tip for having self-control sexually is practicing mindfulness. It has to do with you becoming more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in that particular moment. Doing this often helps you to become more aware of your triggers and to better manage your sexual impulses when they arise.
It is an effective way of exercising self-control sexually. Ensure that you practice it frequently so that you’re more aware of your body and your mind.
Get Enough Sleep
Lack of sleep can have a significant impact on your physical and mental well-being. When you are sleep-deprived, you feel more irritable, anxious, and stressed. All of this can in turn lead to impulsivity.
Getting adequate sleep leaves you quite stable emotionally and as such you’re less stressed and strung tightly and you can make decisions carefully. Therefore, you must have good sleeping habits if you want to have self-control sexually.
Abstain from Drugs or Alcohol
Substances like drugs and alcohol can impair cognitive and motor functions which in turn affects your ability to make sound decisions or judgments.
They reduce your impulse control thereby making you more impulsive which can lead to unplanned sexual behaviors.
If you’re seeking to exercise more self-control sexually then avoiding drugs and alcohol is very important.
Use Social Media with Caution
While social media is a tool that has its many advantages, at the same time, it can be harmful. You can be taking a casual ‘stroll’ on the internet when you get an unsolicited pop-up that contains pornographic content. So you want to be sure to put measures in place that ensure that you’re well protected when you use social media.
Postpone your Behavior until a Later Time
Delaying sexual gratification (by resisting the urge to immediately satisfy yourself sexually for a much later time) is another way to exercise sexual self-control. Admittedly, this can be a bit difficult but it is a necessary caution you should be willing to take to curb your sexual impulses. You would have to exercise self-control and discipline to get this done, the very things you need to have a more controlled sexual lifestyle.
Focus on Other Things
Another practical way how to have self-control sexually is to focus on other things that you derive joy from. This would help you to shift your attention away from just wanting to have sex to other more productive things. This can be anything from hanging out more with your friends, volunteering, to picking up a new hobby, or exercising, amongst others.
Set Goals
Setting achievable goals can be an effective way to help you maintain self-control sexually. If, for example, you set a goal of abstaining from sex for a specific period or reducing your sexual partners, you would feel a sense of accomplishment when you hit each milestone and you’re motivated to continue. However, in setting these goals ensure that you’re realistic and considerate so that they can be achieved.
Be Patient
Developing and exercising sexual self-control is not an easy feat. It is a gradual journey that requires patience, endurance, and determination. Ensure you acknowledge and celebrate your achievements as you make progress. Also, you must remain patient and optimistic as you continue to seek your goal.
Attend a Support Group Meeting
There are different support groups that you can be a part of to help you in dealing with your sexual urges more effectively. They make use of the 12-step program model which is similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. Attending a support group meeting will help you find people who are on a similar journey as you are and can relate with.
Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous are examples of such support groups and you can visit their websites to find out which meeting location is closest to you.
Seek professional help
Another measure you can take to get self-control sexually is to get assistance from a therapist or counselor. If you have tried different measures without any results, a professional could very well help you by providing the right tools needed to address the underlying causes of your behavior. This would help in identifying your potential triggers and developing healthier coping mechanisms to manage them.
Benefits of Sexual Self-control
Some of the benefits of sexual self-control include:
Increased Productivity
One benefit of exercising sexual self-control is that it increases your productivity. It helps you to focus your energy on other areas of your life as you begin to develop new interests, hence leading to increased productivity.
Reduced Risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
People who have self-control sexually are less likely to participate in any risky sexual behaviors that can lead to STIs. You would make informed choices and take necessary actions if you’re controlled and in charge of the situation.
Improved Self-discipline
You need a certain level of discipline to be able to exercise sexual self-control. Once this is accomplished, it has a way of affecting other areas of your life, thereby making you a more disciplined person.
Better Decision-making
By exercising sexual self-control, you are more likely to make thoughtful and informed decisions about your sexual activity. You are less impulsive and prone to making rash decisions and this could affect how you make decisions generally. rather.
Healthier Relationships
People who have been able to exercise self-control sexually will be able to sustain healthier relationships with their partners. They will be able to build trust with each other and they can both have an enjoyable experience as well.
Are Men Less Likely To Have Sexual Self-control?
Many believe that men generally have less sexual self-restraint than women do. Although there may be some biological reasons as to why this is so, it seems more likely the society and culture of the people have made it so.
Up to a few centuries ago, it was unheard of for a woman to lose her virginity before marriage or to have many lovers. However, it was not the same for men. Even though a lot has clearly changed since then, these stereotypes still linger all the same. Nonetheless, we must avoid making hasty generalizations for the whole gender as everyone still has a choice to make regardless of external influences.
Do Women Have More Sexual Self-control than Men?
Likewise, we cannot categorically say that women have more sexual self-control than men do or that they do not. Although women are indeed more inclined to exercise self-control due to society’s expectations of them. Other factors such as their upbringing, level of education, and personal values may also influence a woman’s self-control sexually.
How To Relieve Sexual Tension if You Are Single and Celibate
Whether you’re single or have willfully chosen to remain celibate for whatever valid and personal reasons, it doesn’t change the fact that you would still feel some sexual tension now and then. After all, you’ve got blood flowing in your veins!
Nonetheless, there are still some ways to manage this sexual tension without breaking your resolve. They include:
Engage in Regular Exercise
Engaging in exercise helps the body release endorphins which can help to reduce your stress levels and also improve your overall mood.
Practice Mindfulness or Meditation
Practicing mindfulness or meditation practices is a good way to calm your mind and make you more self-aware of yourself. It also helps in improving your sleep quality thereby reducing your stress levels.
Focus on Productive Activities
Focusing your mind on productive activities is also a good way to relieve sexual tension. It can be any activity at all, just find one that you enjoy and helps you unwind.
Find Healthy Outlets for Physical Touch
The fact that you have chosen to be celibate does not mean that you must absolutely avoid physical touch. Getting a massage or practicing yoga are good ways you can relieve sexual tension.
Why Must I have sexual self-control?
Unbridled lust can lead to very unpleasant circumstances. Hence, you must have sexual self-control. It helps to prevent complications within your relationships as well as negative impacts on your mental well-being.
Are Sexual Self-Control and Abstinence the Same?
Although they are related concepts, sexual self-control, and abstinence are two different things. Sexual self-control means an individual’s ability to manage their sexual impulses and decisions. On the other hand, abstinence refers to a voluntary choice to refrain from sexual activity. While a person has to exercise self-control in order to practice abstinence, not all cases of sexual self-control involve total abstinence.
How Can I Get Rid of an Erection?
If you catch yourself in an inconvenient situation where you’re aroused and need to get rid of an erection, try to take deep, calming breaths. Also, taking a walk would help distract you and also redirect the blood flow from your genitals to other parts of your body thus reducing the intensity and duration of the erection.
How to Get Rid of Feeling of Arousal?
When you feel aroused sexually and you want to get rid of the feeling, try distracting your thoughts. You can engage in activities that require high concentration from you like solving a puzzle. You can also try relaxing activities like deep breathing or meditation.
Conclusion
Learning how to have self-control sexually is an important step towards having and maintaining a healthy sex life.
But it won’t just come on you naturally. It is a process that requires time and patience. You might fall off your wagon now and then, but don’t stay down.
Keep rising and trying again. After all, that’s the only way anyone gets anything done.
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