Abandonment issues from childhood are usually a result of our parents not being there for us when we need them. It could be they were there physically but not emotionally, or they just weren’t there in any sense at all. It could also mean that, as kids, everything we needed, like clothes, food, and a roof over our heads, was given to us. However, our emotional needs were completely left off. In this article, we will be looking at proven ways to overcome abandonment issues from childhood.
This subject is actually important because, most times, adults who suffer from abandonment issues from childhood are mostly unaware of it. This can be a good explanation for why some persons stay put in abusive and unhealthy relationships while others can’t even commit to a relationship at all. So, let’s get started, shall we?
Key Takeaways
- Childhood abandonment issues are traumatic experiences from your childhood that result in the fear of abandonment.
- Fear of abandonment can be caused by the death of a best friend, close relative, or pet, physical or emotional neglect from parents or caregivers, watching parents go through a divorce, and more.
- A mental health professional is usually an effective option to help individuals with abandonment issues. Also, doing things you enjoy for yourself can rapidly improve your mental health and help you handle your relationships better.
- Abandonment issues can be difficult to overcome, even with a supportive partner. Don’t take your partner’s anxieties personally, and try not to dismiss them as irrational.
What Are Childhood Abandonment Issues?
Childhood abandonment issues are traumatic experiences from your childhood that result in the fear of abandonment. Anxiety is a common symptom of childhood abandonment issues. Normally, this anxiety comes from a past experience of loss. Adults who experience abandonment issues may have watched their parents go through a divorce or lost a loved one as kids. Hence, the trauma of losing something one held dear in the past can lead to recurrent panic later in one’s life.
I can’t remember the first time I felt abandoned as a child, but I do have memories of moments that passed with a deep sense of loneliness. For instance, my parents made ends meet through 9-5 jobs. On weekends, my siblings and I had extra-curricular lessons to attend. So, I spent most of my childhood with distant relatives. I grew up learning how different a mother’s sacrifice is from an aunt’s. I know the distance a father can go and just where an uncle would stop. What I mean is that I sometimes felt that I was missing out on so much emotionally, with both of my parents being mostly away at work.
Causes of Childhood Abandonment Issues
This fear tends to cripple your chances in subsequent relationships and drive people away from you. Parents must meet both the physical and emotional needs of their children for their proper development. In adulthood, one’s personal relationships can meet those needs. Hence, an individual’s parents and partners are both factors that determine if the individual will develop abandonment issues at any stage in life.
Neglecting these needs will make an individual develop a fear, which is sometimes irrational, of abandonment. Although it is common for abandonment issues to stem from childhood experiences, trauma from any other stage in life can also instigate abandonment issues. Fear of abandonment can be caused by, but not limited to, the following:
- Death of a close friend, close relative, or pet
- Physical or emotional neglect from parents or caregivers
- Watching parents go through a divorce
- Exposure to uncertainty due to financial problems or domestic violence
- Trauma
How to Overcome Childhood Abandonment Issues
Studying your triggers and avoiding them is a good place to start when trying to overcome abandonment issues from childhood. Open and honest conversations with partners, family members, and spouses about your feelings can also help. There are two primary treatments for abandonment issues:
• Therapy
A mental health professional is usually an effective option for individuals with abandonment issues. Talking about your fears may not be easy at first, but it eventually gets easier. A trained therapist would seek to work with you and understand what your fears are, identify the root cause of the fears as well as proffer reliable solutions to overcome such fears.
• Practice Self-care
Doing things you enjoy for yourself can rapidly improve your mental health and help you handle your relationships better. Taking a walk, going on vacations, starting a journal, and building a social presence are all examples of self-care practices. Find out which you enjoy doing, and you can start a journey toward overcoming your fears.
Helping Someone Overcome Abandonment Issues
It can be very challenging to support someone with abandonment issues, and worse so, telling them they have some issue they have to overcome can be misunderstood. Your efforts to talk about the problem with them may be misperceived as criticism. However, individuals with abandonment issues can and should be helped.
• Encourage Expression
Individuals with abandonment issues from childhood tend to bottle up too much. If you are going to be of any help, then you might want to make them feel safe enough to tell you just how they feel. Understanding the emotions that accompany fear and the best ways to respond to the same should be part of your to-do list when dealing with someone with abandonment issues.
If you are a critic, then you should definitely opt out of helping someone with abandonment issues. Expressing a reservation you have for why they feel a certain kind of way after they had opened up to you is a good way to shut them up. Keep your criticisms for someone who actually needs it.
• Acknowledge Their Feelings
You probably have great pieces of advice that could help someone with abandonment issues overcome their fear. However, you would do them a great deal of good by simply validating how they feel rather than proffering solutions.
You may not completely understand how it feels to be afraid of abandonment, but you can help someone with that fear feel they are not just making this up. Acknowledge their fears.
• Don’t Force Things
As much as it is important for individuals with childhood abandonment issues to speak up as they try to overcome their fears, you should not coerce them into opening up. If they tell you they don’t feel like talking about it, there is no point insisting that they speak up.
• Recommend Therapy
Since you are not exactly a mental health professional, you can only help someone with abandonment issues overcome their anxieties on a personal note. So, you should make them see why therapy is an option.
What Is the Best Therapy for Abandonment Issues?
Certain therapy models may be more effective for specific types of abandonment fears. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may help with separation anxiety, whereas dialectical behavior therapy may help with BPD. A therapist can help people improve their self-esteem so they feel more capable or lovable.
How Does Someone With Abandonment Issues Act?
Many people who have experienced abandonment are afraid that others won’t want to be close to them. This encourages individuals to engage in people-pleasing habits in order to avoid rejection. Codependents may overlook their own needs and feel frightened when they are not with their partner.
What Not to Say to Someone With Abandonment Issues?
Abandonment issues can be difficult to overcome, even with a supportive partner. Don’t take your partner’s anxieties personally, and try not to dismiss them as irrational. Instead, gently urge them to share their fears so that you can both work toward a healthier relationship.
What Attachment Style Is an Abandonment Issue?
Fear of abandonment in relationships can stem from your attachment style, which might be anxious, avoidant, secure, or a combination of the above.
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth developed attachment theory, which explains why you attach to others in your relationships based on how you dealt with separation anxiety as an infant from your caregiver.
The book Attached by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel Heller, M.A. can help you choose which attachment style best fits your behavior.
Final Thoughts
Most people with abandonment issues from childhood do not realize how much their behavior affects others. Sometimes, they could intentionally put their relationships at risk of ending because they are trying their best not to get hurt. This is why abandonment issues usually tag along with relationship problems in both personal and professional settings.
When an individual understands the factors behind their fear of abandonment, they have taken the first step toward overcoming that fear. Hence, treatments begin with helping the individual come to terms with their fear.
Overcoming abandonment issues from childhood is a gradual and, sometimes, slow process. The virtue of patience is important for the desired results. With time and therapy, the individual will eventually overcome the anxieties.
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