Dating a narcissist can be a rollercoaster of emotions, from the highs of being swept off your feet at the initial stage of the relationship to the lows of feeling like you are not enough. However, the impact of this kind of relationship goes beyond the emotional ups and downs. It can change you in profound ways. Let’s explore how dating a narcissist changes you and how it can impact your self-esteem, your sense of worth, and your overall outlook on life.
Key Takeaways
- Being around a narcissist can alter you in all kinds of ways you can think of and will wear you out in the end.
- Victims of narcissistic partners eventually enter a state of constant anxiety or terror, with the amygdala responding to even the smallest indications of abuse.
- They experience changes like feeling uneasy and self-conscious, defending or enabling abuse. They may become isolated, and dependent and begin to avoid disputes and conflicts.
- To heal after dating a narcissist, mourn the loss of this person in your life. Embrace your anger. Write in a journal. To let go and move on, forgive both yourself and them when the time is right. After the healing process, take as much time as you need to work on regaining the confidence they may have destroyed, set boundaries, and attempt to uphold them.
How Dating a Narcissist Changes You
These are ways dating a narcissist can change you:
1. You Start to Feel Uneasy and Self-Conscious
A narcissist will humiliate you until you’re grateful for any tokens of his compassion or devotion. And when you finally leave them, the unease will persist and may have an impact on your relationships in the future.
2. You Start Defending or Enabling Abuse
A narcissist will make you feel guilty for their abusive and manipulative actions. When you stay in such a relationship, it’s because you enable the abuse. You probably make excuses for the behavior of your partner, take blame you shouldn’t take, and believe that they would change.
3. You Become Dependent
You become increasingly caught in a narcissist’s web the more you hang around with him. This is because their continuous snide remarks undermine your confidence and reduce your sense of self-worth. They would both give you the impression that they are the best thing to have ever happened to you. Most of the time, they’d take advantage of your financial situation and keep you dependent on them. They have succeeded in destroying your self-worth, so the idea of leaving terrifies you. As a result, you will find yourself clinging to them even when the relationship is choking you.
4. You Become Isolated
A narcissist will frequently and gradually distance you from everyone who cares about and loves you, either by telling you that they’re trying to ruin your relationship or by making you feel bad for being away from him.
5. You Begin to Avoid Disputes and Conflicts
You get used to not calling out your partner for their poor behavior out of fear of starting an argument, generally dreading disputes, and being overly cooperative. When discussing how dating narcissists changes you, you cannot completely overcome the propensity to lose your assertiveness.
6. You May Develop Imposter Syndrome
This condition is characterized by top achievers having self-doubts about their intelligence, abilities, and accomplishments. A narcissist will make you believe you are not as talented as you think, and being with them will cause you to minimize your accomplishments.
7. Saying “No” Becomes Difficult for You
You could get accustomed to giving your partner all your attention and resources. Perhaps you are currently always active, yet the majority of your activities are for other people. When invited to join a committee or start a group, it could be difficult for you to refuse, and you might find it difficult to establish and uphold limits that will allow you to defend yourself.
8. You Start to Blame Yourself a Lot
A narcissist holds their lover responsible for all setbacks. Over time, whether you’re at work or out with friends, this sense of blame may grow to represent your default attitude.
9. You See Kindness as Transactional
Because narcissistic spouses will only show you affection if you have been kind to them, even if you’re no longer dating your partner, you can still believe that acts of kindness require payment, favors, or even sex in return. You can begin to doubt the goodness of others or experience anxiety whenever you are the target of their kindness.
10. You Start to Find Narcissists Attractive.
Although it may seem unbelievable, this is the case. You start to unconsciously cycle between destructive relationships after being with a narcissist. This may hold even if your parents are violent. It is as though your love songs have become warped.
What Does Dating a Narcissist Do to Your Brain?
Beyond the emotional and psychological effects of how dating a narcissist changes you, there is also a physical aspect of brain damage at play. When victims of emotional abuse endure it repeatedly, their hippocampus shrinks, and their amygdala swells, both of which have disastrous consequences. For instance, our capacity to learn and form memories is slightly reduced when the hippocampus, which is in charge of our short-term memory and is the first stage in learning, shrinks.
Additionally, the amygdala is where the fight-or-flight response is generated when stimulated. The amygdala of narcissistic victims is continually vigilant because of this condition. These victims eventually enter a state of constant anxiety or terror, with the amygdala responding to even the smallest indications of abuse. The amygdala eventually recalls the unpleasant feelings, sights, and sounds we have experienced in the past. It ultimately results in post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD
Can Living With a Narcissist Change Your Personality?
A person’s personality is a distinctive quality that is relatively stable over time and in different situations. Your personality might ultimately change if you live with a narcissist. You might transform from a cheerful, extroverted individual to your fearful, socially apprehensive friend. You could question whether you are still the same person you once were after spending so much time with a narcissist. There is never enough to offer, be, do, or flatter someone with an inflated sense of self. They want the entire world to focus on them, to treat them like the most prominent, brightest star in the sky, and to praise them as such.
What Happens After Dating a Narcissist?
When the relationship between you and your narcissistic partner is finally over, the changes dating a Narcissist had on you do not magically wash away. What occurs when you finally decide to leave a narcissist? You might be unprepared to learn how difficult it was to reclaim your life after ending a relationship with a narcissist. Here are some realities that could influence how you live your life after leaving a narcissist:
- You can still feel numb and puzzled.
- You will still have a lot of self-doubt.
- Your ex won’t suddenly vanish from your life.
- You might need some time before you can be self-confident again
- Others won’t likely comprehend it unless they experience it firsthand.
How Does a Narcissist Make You Feel in a Relationship?
A narcissistic person would probably love-bomb you in the early stages of a relationship. You’ll feel desired and cherished by them. They’ll brag about you and shower you with compliments. The idealization phase of a narcissistic relationship typically begins with these qualities. After this point, they start to minimize your value. You’ll begin to feel confined, helpless, angry, bewildered, and overwhelmed. This frequently happens as a result of self-hatred and blaming. You’ll start to question how you missed the warning signs when the relationship first started and will constantly ponder on what you did to make them become a beast and how you can alter things to have what you previously had with them.
The truth is that no matter how much a narcissist tries to blame you, you must understand that their actions are NEVER your fault.
Most times, a narcissist would eventually become tired of you and abruptly stop the relationship at the DISCARD stage, the last stage of a narcissist relationship. Leaving you feeling empty, useless, disappointed, and rejected.
How to Heal From Dating a Narcissistic Partner
If you don’t want to keep repeating the cycle of attracting narcissists, it’s imperative to heal after dating a narcissist. If you need to, cry. Even though you are aware that he is not right for you, mourn the loss of this person in your life. Recognize what took place. Embrace your anger. Writing in a journal can help you discover clarity and make sense of a confusing array of ideas and feelings. To let go and move on, forgive both yourself and them when the time is right. After the healing process, take as much time as you need to work on:
- Regaining the confidence they may have destroyed;
- Setting boundaries and attempting to uphold them;
- Being assertive and speaking your mind;
- Constantly reminding yourself that you are strong, loved, and worth more than your partner made you feel;
- Always seeking professional help.
How to Protect Yourself From a Narcissist
The best method to protect oneself against a narcissist is to employ strategies meant to stop them from dominating and controlling you, such as establishing healthy boundaries,
They may attempt to trick you over time into thinking that you don’t have the right to set limits with other people.
Other methods to protect oneself against narcissists could be to:
- Refuse to have meaningless conversations with those who are abusive around you
- Keep realistic expectations for your relationship with people
- Base conversations on others’ deeds rather than just their words
- Never take responsibility for your partner’s abusive behavior
- Work to establish their identity outside of the relationship
Conclusion
Now you know that dating a narcissist can be unhealthy because it changes you in so many ways. To put it bluntly, narcissists are draining. There is never enough to offer them. Being around a narcissist can alter you in all kinds of ways you can think of and will wear you out in the end. But it’s not impossible to get away from a narcissist when you become aware that your significant other exhibits narcissistic traits, it is advisable to slowly but surely exit the relationship for the sake of your mental and emotional well-being.
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