Love, even when it’s with the right person at the right time and place, comes with enough of its own work to do. Loving someone with a mental condition can be challenging, but it can also come with such handfuls of benefits. Everyone’s experience with depression is unique. So, it’s difficult to give a one-size-fits-all definition of what it feels like to love someone with depression.
Sometimes, people with depression may feel unworthy of love. As a result, they might push others away out of fear of rejection. This can make it hard for their loved ones to know how to help them. However, it is possible to not only love someone with depression but to love them right. This article shows you just how.
Key Takeaways
- Depression is a serious condition that affects the individual negatively in many aspects of their day-to-day activities. So, it requires immediate attention because it can have a profound impact on an individual’s life.
- Some symptoms of depression are disinterest in activities one once found pleasurable, e.g. sex, hobbies, etc, dark thoughts about killing oneself and suicidal attempts, difficulty with concentration, indecision, and forgetfulness, and the inability to forgive oneself, too much ado about past mistakes.
- To love someone with depression, you need knowledge and understanding of the specific challenges they face and a commitment to do everything possible to support them. See more below.
- The best way to communicate with someone who is depressed is to be a good listener and use supportive language.
What Is Depression?
Depression is a common mental health condition that can affect anyone. It is not just a sad feeling that goes away eventually. Depression is a serious condition that affects the individual negatively in many aspects of their day-to-day activities. So, it requires immediate attention because it can have a profound impact on an individual’s life. Fortunately, depression is treatable.
Depression is a mood disorder and should be diagnosed by a professional. However, some of the warning signs and symptoms of depression you should never ignore include:
- Incessant feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and purposelessness
- Disinterest in activities one once found pleasurable, e.g. sex, hobbies, etc
- Dark thoughts about killing oneself and suicidal attempts
- Difficulty with concentration, indecision, and forgetfulness
- Inability to forgive oneself, too much ado about past mistakes
- Loss of self-worth and the irredeemable feeling of guilt
- Inability to sleep or get out of bed (insomnia, hypersomnia)
- Easily fatigued even when the day has only just begun
- Weight gain due to uncontrollable craving for unhealthy foods or weight loss as a result of a persistent lack of appetite
- Recurrent headaches and back pain can also be physical symptoms
The list goes on. However, it is important to note that these symptoms can be severe in some individuals and mild in others. Nonetheless, depression should not be treated less lightly than any other mental condition.
How to Love Someone With Depression
Loving someone with depression requires knowledge and understanding of the specific challenges they face and a commitment to do everything possible to support them. However, if you have never experienced depression, it can be difficult to meet these requirements. One of the foremost challenges of loving someone with depression is that you can do so at the expense of your own happiness and comfort. This is because when you truly love someone with depression, you would want to do everything you can to help them.
However, it is not ideal to cheat yourself out of happiness just because you want to make a loved one, depressed or not, happy. Below are some tips on how to love someone with depression.
Learn More About Their Experience With Depression
There’s a saying that “to be forewarned is to be forearmed”. Before making any attempt to help someone you love get over their depression, you should try to learn more about their experiences with the condition. You cannot help your loved one if you don’t know enough about their condition. This is the case with so many genuine lovers who wish to support their partners with depression but end up doing the exact opposite. Just like any other mental health condition out there, myths about depression abound. There are also several little-known truths about this mental health condition. Being able to separate myth from reality will help you a good deal in supporting and loving someone with depression better.
Since individuals with depression have unique experiences, you have to learn about your loved one’s personal experience with depression. You can start by asking honest, non-invasive questions like, “How are you feeling today?”. When you get responses like, “I am feeling fine”, you can press on by asking them to tell you more about how they are feeling. However, you don’t want to be too pushy to avoid shutting them up completely.
Most people with depression are often careful about letting others in on what they think. This is why they tend to bottle up so much. However, you can only love and support them to the degree you understand what they think. So, don’t shy away from asking them if they have been contemplating suicide lately. When you know how much they have been impacted by their condition, every other thing you will do to show them just how much you love them will come naturally.
Amend Your Communication Approach
You should have a non-judgmental approach when communicating with your loved one with depression. When you are always critical about the choices they made since they were diagnosed with depression, you may end up losing their confidence. While you can express your concerns, you should let them express what they feel, too. If they can snap out of it like you want them to, they would have a long time ago. But depression is not just a mood that comes with an expiry date, so it doesn’t do any good to play the judge.
Encourage Rather Than Advise
Encouragement works better than advice when showing someone with depression that you love them. As much as you probably know what your loved one with depression needs, you don’t have to make them think you got their life figured out. “You need to get help” or “You should see a therapist” are some of the seemingly great pieces of advice that could tick someone with depression off. Things can quickly go south from there.
Instead of telling someone with depression how to run their life, you can simply tell them that you see them and that you are there for them regardless of the condition. If there is something you want them to start doing, you can make suggestions without posing as all-knowing.
Below are some things you should never say to someone with depression, no matter how much you want to help:
- “You’ve put on some weight. You should start working out.”
- “Go out and have fun with your friends. You are indoors a lot.”
- “If you didn’t eat that much junk, you’d feel a lot better.”
It’s easier to eat healthy when you are not overwhelmed by the feeling of emptiness. So, to avoid sounding like you don’t get it, you should try saying:
- I will be starting my workout session tomorrow. Do you care to join?
- What do you think about dinner at [insert-their-favorite-diner-spot]?
This way, you are showing them that you want to listen to what they want to do. When they tell you exactly what they want to do, you don’t have to get all judgy and critical about it. You should be patient throughout the process.
Demonstrate Your Love
Depression can make an individual feel like a burden. This is why it is important that you show your loved one how much you love them. You have to make them understand that depression cannot be a barrier to your love for them. You can use words of affirmation to counteract the lies depression has told your loved one. Reassure them that you are there to support them in whatever way you can. And when they let you in on how you can be of help, you shouldn’t hesitate to offer a hand.
Offer Your Help in Practical Ways
When someone is going through a tough time, like dealing with depression, it can be hard for them to perform their everyday tasks. That’s where you can come in and offer help in practical ways. Cooking meals or doing some grocery shopping can take a lot of pressure off someone who is struggling with their mental health. And if you’re close by, even just offering to run some errands like picking up medication or dry cleaning can make a big difference.
Give Them Hope
Depression can stifle the desire to live. You can show someone with depression how much you love them by reminding them of all the reasons they have to stay alive. This is where hope comes in the hope that it can get better. It could be the consolation of their children, the friendship of a pet who needs their care, or something else that is worth going another day for. Whatever it is, it would be a huge boost to remind them that they are still needed here.
Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help
This is the trickiest part, as you can easily fault the sacred “don’t” of dealing with someone with a mental condition. However, depression is not something you can love someone out of. So, you must encourage your loved one to get help from a mental health professional, as that is the recommended way to overcome the condition. Suggest to them without putting them under any form of pressure. It can help them understand that seeking help is not a sign of weakness.
Does Depression Affect Your Ability to Love?
Depression can have a significant impact on close relationships, sometimes leading people to believe they have fallen out of love. This belief can be especially baffling and shocking when it emerges after years of mutual affection and intimacy. Depressed individuals may blame themselves or their partners for their problems, turning into seemingly cold and blaming strangers. They may refuse to tackle the inner pain that is disrupting their lives, mistakenly believing that their relationship is the root cause of their distress. Instead of getting treatment, individuals may assume that happiness exists outside of their existing relationship.
How Long Does a Depression Last?
Clinical depression is a persistent condition, but it usually manifests in episodes that span many weeks or months. You are likely to have more than one episode throughout your lifetime. This differs from persistent depressive disorder, which is defined as mild or moderate depression that lasts at least two years.
How Do You Date a Depressed Person?
Don’t try to fix your partner. Depression is complicated, and sometimes you just need to be there for them. Resist the urge to analyze every emotion they have, send them articles about natural supplements that may help them feel better, or look up the names of psychiatrists in the region unless they ask you not to. The only exception to this is if you think they’re at risk of self-harm — in this case, you should get them help immediately.
How Can I Talk With a Depressed Person?
The best way to communicate with someone who is depressed is to be a good listener and use supportive language.
Final Thoughts
When you love someone with depression, you have to keep in mind that it is not your job to “fix” them. One important thing you have to do is to make them understand that you love them and that you are there to support them. Your loved one shouldn’t be left wondering if you truly care about them. You should have answers to their doubts.
It is also important to take care of yourself while loving someone with depression. You cannot give what you don’t have. Practice compassion with yourself so that you can help your loved one better. You should be patient while loving someone with depression. Since depression is curable, it doesn’t make sense to give up on them, does it? With the right support, your loved one can recover.
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