We have all heard the stereotype that men should be strong and self-sufficient. But what if this expectation is doing more harm than good? In other words, causing men to feel lonely.
In recent years, there has been a growing body of research suggesting that loneliness is having a devastating effect on men’s physical and mental health. There are a few possible explanations for this research. One theory states that men have been trained to suppress their emotions and avoid vulnerability, making it difficult to form meaningful connections. Another states that men have fewer social outlets than women, like close friendships and community involvement.
Regardless, it is safe to say that the loneliness epidemic is taking a toll on men’s mental health and well-being. So, in this article, we will answer the question “Why are men so lonely?” The causes and consequences of male loneliness, and how they can cope.
Key Takeaways
- Loneliness is the unhappiness that is felt by someone because they do not have any friends or do not have anyone to talk to.
- Male loneliness is a major factor in men’s health problems, such as obesity and heart disease, among older men and men of different ages.
- Not talking about emotions, the stigma, and toxic masculinity in society, the lack of opportunity for bonding, and the fact that men’s friendships can feel shallow or distant at times are reasons why men are so lonely.
- Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is one of the best ways to create solid bonds with your friends. It is simpler to initiate conversations about male emotions, mental health, and self-development when you are willing to be vulnerable.
What Is Male Loneliness?
According to Collins Dictionary, “Loneliness is the unhappiness that is felt by someone because they do not have any friends or do not have anyone to talk to.
When you feel as though your needs are not being met by relationships and social contact, you may experience loneliness, which is a profound emotional detachment, a “desert” emotion. This develops into a need for social interaction.
Male loneliness is the sensation of being alone and the desire to withdraw from society. Male loneliness can affect men who have companions as well.
The idea that being alone and feeling lonely are mutually exclusive is widely held. Being surrounded by others and, nevertheless, feeling alone is the definition of loneliness. However, being alone is a physical state of being by yourself without the accompanying unpleasant emotions. You might even experience peace or serenity.
Why Are Men So Lonely?
A variety of things can influence feelings of loneliness. Examples include being alone, moving, being divorced, or even losing a loved one. Usually, loneliness is frequently associated with a sense of isolation from others. From my experience with the men in my life, I have come to the conclusion that most men believe that individuals around them don’t comprehend who they are. Here are other reasons why men are lonely:
1. Not Talking About Emotions
It is not unexpected that loneliness among most males has been referred to as the “silent epidemic,” given that this research reveals that many men prefer not to talk about their loneliness. A lot of men all around the world would like to talk about anything but their innermost sentiments and emotions! And part of the reason for that is that doing so requires vulnerability and openness.
Unfortunately, many guys learn as they grow up not to reveal their sensitivity since society and the media portray it as something weak. You’re been given the go-ahead to maintain a straight face and “keep calm and carry on”; guys shouldn’t show their emotions. Most of them feel they don’t have the “right” to express their selves or talk to others about their loneliness
2. Stigma and Toxic Masculinity in Society
Many men are conditioned to be imposing and ‘manly’ from an early age in addition to being trained to be harsh. Not just by the men in your lives (and occasionally mothers) but also by advertising and society. What it means to be a male is the focus of all marketing and advertising campaigns that are always on our faces.
Additionally, there is a claim that there is a direct connection between this expectation and men who commit suicide. According to the study, masculinity, or how males are raised and the responsibilities, qualities, and behaviors that society expects of them, plays a role in suicide findings for men.
3. Lack of Opportunity for Bonding
Men lack secure settings where they may interact socially, connect with other men, and develop deep friendships. Males are forced to lead solitary lives because they have no way to interact with other males due to the lack of bonding chances. Support groups for guys and men’s clubs have just recently gained acceptance and expanded in number. Through these men’s organizations, men can connect, meet other men, and discuss many topics affecting their daily lives, families, jobs, and social activities in a private setting.
4. Men’s Friendships Can Feel Shallow or Distant at Times
Some men have a large number of friends and acquaintances, but those relationships aren’t always deep or close. They could avoid displays of affection or platonic love. They may not feel comfortable expressing their difficulties or inner suffering. Even when surrounded by people they know, a lack of closeness can make men feel lonely.
They do not consider being vulnerable and expressing love to be “manly” behaviors. Likewise, Pressure to “be a man” can cause splits among males, preventing them from building emotional ties with their peers.
5. Social Media
Although technology and social media intend to bring us closer together, it contributes to the loneliness epidemic. According to studies and my research, those who spend more than two hours every day on social media are twice as likely to feel excluded and alone.
We’ve lost touch with ourselves and one another. There is continual pressure from social media to filter every part of our lives and seek validation. We find it challenging to participate in meaningful discussions with a friend, colleague, or neighbor at the same time.
So, despite their goal of connecting people, social media platforms lack the personal touch that comes with face-to-face conversations, leaving us feeling lonely, nervous, and unhappy.
Furthermore, spending more time online implies spending less time with real people.
6. Addiction and Substance Misuse Can Cause Male Loneliness
While alcoholism and drug addiction are both valid, treatable health problems, they can have a significant impact on men’s relationships. When some men drink or use drugs, they act carelessly, creating everything from marital discord to significant legal problems. These habits can drive people away over time.
Substance misuse also consumes time and money, leaving less time and money for relationships.
Gambling, fitness, video games, sex, and social media addiction can all be harmful.
7. Busy Fathers May Not Have Much Time for Friends
Working and caring for children is a 24-hour-a-day job, especially if you have a large family. Some males may devote all of their non-working hours to their children. Single fathers may face additional challenges because they do not have partners to count on. Though this is admirable, it can have a significant impact on their mental health and make keeping connections nearly impossible.
Men are less likely than women to seek help for mental health problems.
Men who suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues may withdraw from their lives, leaving them isolated. Although these issues are relatively common, the urge to “man up” can make it difficult for men to ask for help.
8. Empty Man Syndrome
A subset of men who are frequently in their forties—bachelors, divorcees—who live alone, have no close friends, and either despise their job or are jobless are known to have “Empty Man Syndrome,” which is a sign of despair and loneliness.
Other causes include:
9. Significant life changes, such as relocating, beginning a new career, or getting a divorce
10. Thanksgiving holidays or significant life milestones that you experience alone
11. Disconnection induced by intellectual differences
13. Depression
14. Difficulties with one’s physical or mental health
15. Grief, or grieving alone, whether after a loved one’s passing or the end of a friendship
16. Being a member of a group that is already going through marginalization, such as being BIPOC, queer, or transgender
17. The long-term effects of COVID-19 on socialization
Why Are Men More Lonely Than Women?
According to studies, women are more likely than men to exhibit emotions of loneliness. According to another study, women may not feel more alone than men do; rather, they may feel more at ease confessing their feelings of loneliness. The idea of toxic masculinity in many cultures may help explain this. The idea that “boys don’t cry” refers to the idea that men don’t complain or exhibit any negative feelings; instead, they bury them has persisted for many generations.
Emotional openness is regarded as a “feminine” quality. Given that men suffer negative effects when they are perceived as not “masculine enough,” it would make sense that women feel more at ease and are more prone to voice emotions of loneliness. Men are consequently less likely to admit to feeling lonely.
Is Male Loneliness a Problem?
Male loneliness is a major factor in men’s health problems, such as obesity and heart disease, among older men and men of different ages. Lack of energy, despair, and anxiety are all symptoms of loneliness. Lonely men yearn for friendships that go beyond the typical male chitchat about work or sports. However, most guys are unsure about how to contact other males to develop these relationships.
How Can You Tell if a Guy Is Lonely: Signs to Consider
It can be difficult to determine whether you are experiencing male loneliness because everyone exhibits various signs.
There are many similarities between the signs of someone suffering from depression and of someone suffering from loneliness. Some of the signs that you are lonely include:
- Feeling a sense of disconnection with those around you or in tasks you usually take pleasure in doing
- Inability to connect on a deeper level with other men or others
- Taking impulsive or risky actions
- Easily being angry or irritated by small things
- An overwhelming sense of loneliness, even in social situations
- Sense of aimlessness
- When you speak up, People tend to ignore you or turn you away.
- Tiredness and burnout when attempting to interact socially with others
- Separating from family and friends
- Having low motivation or productivity
- Regularly feeling bored or uninterested
- Self-doubt and a low sense of self-worth/esteem
- Frequently feeling worn out or weary
- Not having any close friends
- Try to fill a hollowness you feel by working too much or misusing alcohol or other drugs.
Do Single Men Feel Lonely?
According to studies, In the percentage of single men who feel lonely and single women, the men are outranking. Although the reason for this is not clear, the only clear difference is that men are usually quiet and show reluctance when talking about their feelings. They’d rather fill the void of hollowness with activities.
Probably, due to various reasons which you can find in the previous sub-heading, like the need to portray a certain level of masculinity, they’d rather deflect than admit what they are going through.
What Can a Man Do When He Is Lonely: How to Cope
1. Maintain Contact With Your Friends and Acquaintances
Now and again, send them a text or DM on social media. Ask them to meet together for lunch, coffee, drinks, or to watch a game if they live close. Do whatever comes naturally to you. Inquire after them and listen with interest. Become vested in their life.
If you can, try to reach out to a range of people. You won’t have to rely on one or two pals for support that way.
Don’t give up if some folks do not show interest. Not all friendships can last a lifetime.
2. Make Sure Your Male Friends Don’t Exhibit Toxic Masculinity
Choose pals who are generally at ease expressing their emotions and who don’t make fun of or tease others for doing so. As long as they allow you to be honest and open, joking around or teasing isn’t always a terrible thing—in fact, it can sometimes be nice.
Also, bear in mind that not every guy in your life requires you to be open with them. However, It is necessary to have one or two confidant close buddies.
3. Allow Your Networks of Family and Friends to Overlap
Make time for your pals to visit you and your family. To mingle as a group, introduce your spouse to your pals. Invite your friends’ families to meet yours if you and your pals have children. As a result, it may be simpler to retain your connections while juggling your obligations as a parent or husband.
Try to establish relationships with each other’s spouses so that you can socialize together. If you’re a single father, especially if your kids are small, you might want to join meeting groups for parents. This can make it easier for you and your kids to make new friends.
4. If You’re Having Trouble With Your Mental Health, Get Help
To get the necessary care, speak with a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional. Depending on your circumstances, you might benefit from a mix of psychotherapy, medication, exercise, lifestyle modifications, or any of these alone. Also, Addiction and drug abuse treatment are options.
You can find local practitioners and mental health facilities online. If you are wary, some provide online “telehealth” services, which include webcam-based appointments for psychotherapy and medication.
If you have health insurance, speak with your provider to learn which services the in-network providers cover.
However, if you don’t have health insurance or can’t find a provider in your network, look for those with “sliding-scale” pricing.
5. Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is one of the best ways to create solid bonds with your new friends. It is simpler to initiate conversations about male emotions, mental health, and self-development when you are willing to be vulnerable. It is also simpler for your pals to open up to you.
6. Find your Life’s Purpose and Significance
Locate pursuits or hobbies that are significant to you. You could take part in a group. Men wishing to build stronger relationships and lessen feelings of loneliness may find special benefits from volunteer organizations and support groups for people with similar interests. Find your top five life values and consider whether you are living up to them.
Conclusion
It can be quite challenging for many guys to discuss loneliness or simply accept that they are lonely.
Loneliness can feel even more isolating due to the stigmas associated with men expressing their feelings and the ongoing need to be “strong” and stoic.
Having said that, guys experience loneliness frequently.
It’s crucial for men to analyze their views on emotions and masculinity and to think about how views influenced by toxic masculinity can harm them before deciding to live their lives according to the beliefs.
In the end, emotions have no gender. Men suffer loneliness everywhere, not because they are “weak,” but rather because they are people and should be treated as such.
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