Have you had self doubt before? At some point in our lives, there must be a time when we get some sort of feeling that we might not be good enough; maybe we don’t just fit in, what if we fail, what if we don’t make it, let’s just stick to what we know. If you have had any of these feelings then it means you are simply human and you have challenging goals that you want to achieve, because without challenging goals, there would be no self-doubt.
Key Takeaways
- Self-doubt means a lack of confidence in oneself and abilities which can show up in different ways like the need for validation, self-sabotage, and constant need for reassurance.
- Self-doubt can lead to other insecurities, depression, poor work or social performance, and many other problems.
- Although seen as the opposite, self-doubts are not totally bad. They come for a specific purpose which is to keep you in check, for you to know that you are not perfect, you are human and there is a chance that things might not go as planned and that is all.
- Accepting that self-doubt is normal, realizing that everyone feels the same way you do, embracing yourself wholly, and doing your best to keep growing are ways to overcome self-doubt whenever they arise.
What Is Self-Doubt?
Self-doubt is the uncertainty one has about one’s ability or competence in performing a task or making a decision. In simple terms, self-doubt means a lack of confidence in oneself and abilities. Self-doubt can show up in different ways like the need for validation, self-sabotage, and constant need for reassurance.
In our society, it seems like there is some sort of validation needed before you know you have made the right decision or achieved something meaningful, and this makes it easier for you to lose confidence in yourself it also makes you overly worried about meeting the already existing standards.
It might interest you to know that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So when you give self-doubt a chance, it occupies all the chances you might ever have to be great, including trust in yourself.
Your ability to overcome this self-doubt is what makes you stand out and it also gives you a lot of growth opportunities. But I guess it’s not that easy yeah? Well if it was I wouldn’t be here.
Now, imagine if we learned how to walk as adults. So you are probably sitting on a chair or lying on the floor and you are done learning all the theoretical basics of walking but you have never practiced and then your coach/trainer says you should give it a try today, at this point do you know all the self-doubting thoughts that would come to your mind? Like;
”what if I fall?”
”but I wasn’t able to learn how to eat properly?”
”When Fatima tried she fainted, what if I faint”?
”If I don’t eventually walk right I would be made fun of”.
With all these self-doubting questions, do you know some people might never be able to walk throughout their lives? Some people might eventually try to walk but when they fall they may never try again. In other words, self-doubt paralyzed them.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will -Sussy Kassem
Sussy Kassem
This is exactly what happens with our dreams and goals whenever we don’t overcome our self-doubts, they get paralyzed too! Self-doubt will cast a shadow over them.
Come to think of it though, we were really brave as babies, we stood, took one step at a time fell, and tried again just until we became perfect.
We are what we repeatedly do, excellence therefore is not an act but a habit.
Aris
Facts About Self-Doubt
A list of things you should know about self-doubt;
They Will Eventually Show Up
No matter how confident or how far you have gone self-doubt can show up at your mind’s step any day, anytime especially when you are trying to do something big or challenging. It is for everybody, you can’t overgrow it!
They Are Not Totally Useless
Lol, how??? As funny as it might sound self-doubts come for a specific purpose which is to keep you in check, for you to know that you are not perfect, you are human and there is a chance that things might not go as planned and that is all. The only problem is that it likes to overdo and it is your duty to set your clear boundaries and overcome them once it has done its job.
They Are Many in The Family
Self-doubt has many siblings and close relations but the most prominent of them are procrastination and low self-esteem and they love to move in a vicious circle( keeps rotating without moving). Simply means one leads to another and with them, you can’t move forward.
Self-doubt can lead to mental health problems. Chronic self-doubt can lead to problems like anxiety, depression, and emotional instability.
It Can Make You Sabotage Your Own Dreams/Goals.
Self-doubt can make you do something that can get in the way of your own goals while making you believe it is the right thing to do.
‘’I Just Want to Be Perfect Before I Start’’ (Perfect Time)
Yes, I could literally hear you screaming that. From the ”adult walking” imagination above, it’s just like telling your coach I just want to be perfect at walking before I walk. Exactly! It doesn’t make any sense and that’s how you sound when you say you want to be perfect before you start.
You can’t be perfect without overcoming your self-doubt, leaving your comfort zone, and actually doing your thing. Stand up, walk, let people criticize you, fall, stand again, know the disadvantages of walking with one leg, and learn to jump-walk it’s only this experience that can give you all you need and you can’t have this experience without overcoming your doubt.
Starting helps you figure out what you really want along the line. You don’t have to be an expert to do anything.
One of my friends was feeling reluctant about starting her cake business but she eventually started anyway, she was surprised at the lovely reviews she was getting. When she started posting her feedback she actually added a critic where someone told her there was room for improvement.
Believe me, I was so impressed. For someone who wasn’t sure about starting in particular that review was supposed to be enough to feed herself doubts and say ”I told you this wasn’t working”.
I can’t tell you it will be easy or you should expect all roses, you have to embrace it all, your mistakes, the rights, the wrongs, that way self-doubt wouldn’t have so much power over you. (Her coconut cakes are the best btw, check her out @ogey_dorian).
What if ‘’My Goals’’ Are Not for Me?
First, how did you know it is not for you? What are the challenges you went through that you think? what is for you?
Can you answer these questions? well, I guess not because you have not tried! You have the permission to ask this if you have the answers to my above questions because if truly you can answer them then I am sure you will be able to figure out what your goals really are. Overcoming your self-doubt opens doors to opportunities.
With self-doubt, every idea seems to have a flaw. Lastly, if you labeled your above goals it means you have invested some time thinking about them, so why waste more time doubting Them instead of going for them?
How Then Can I Overcome My Self-Doubt?
The truth is, that there is no generalized way to overcome self-doubt. self-doubt comes in different ways for different individuals, so you have to know what works for you. But I definitely have something for you as usual. All you have to do is to personalize the information below, then work with me let’s slay that self-doubt, shall we?
Assume you are Fatima and replace your goal with hers, personalize this.
Name: Fatima (you)
GOAL: To start a podcast (what is your goal?)
Is it challenging?: Yes, because I have never recorded a podcast before although I listen to many.
Why do you want to start a podcast?: I have always been a mental health advocate, so I want to enlighten people on mental health using my voice. (what made your goal, your goal?).
Why haven’t you started?: I think I might have an accent, how do I even write my scripts? Ada’s podcast has so much audience, I don’t even think I will be interesting. What if I start and stop along the line I will be made fun of, I am waiting till I buy a mic. (write out all self-doubts).
Analyze all self-doubts critically one after the other. Know how true they are and counter them.
(Fatima) I have an accent, it is true and definitely not my fault that I have an accent, Is an accent worth losing my voice over? Chika said the world needs what I have to offer and my accent shouldn’t be limiting me. Besides, I am proud to be Hausa so it doesn’t really matter as long as my message gets passed and understood.
Ada’s Audience is large and I understand that I am not Ada, she is at her Pace and me at mine. I also understand that I might not have many audiences and positive feedback at the beginning. But I can only get them at all by starting right? This still isn’t enough to shut my voice. I’m doing this!
Do this with all the doubts one after the other.
2 months later,
Fatima finally started her podcast. (Fatima) ”Hey Chika, thank you so much I finally started my podcast, my only problem is that I want to monetize it and I want to open a YouTube channel but I am not sure if I will look good in videos (self-doubt again).
Chika: You see what I meant by starting opens doors to more opportunities and the more opportunities come the more you have self-doubts but I’m sure you have learned how to overcome them. Feel free to book a session this time if you haven’t. 😉
Fatima might end up being a YouTube creative expert but will forget that if she never started podcasting she might have never had the idea of using YouTube.
Self doubt imprisons those who never overcome it
4 Tips on Overcoming Self-Doubt
1. Accept it; self-doubt is normal.
Society promotes the idea that certainty and self-confidence are the norm. However, as a team led by Reed College Psychology Professor Kathryn Oleson discovered in a 2012 study, self-doubt is a natural result of realizing that life is full with uncertainty. Even when everything is going well, layoffs, business failures, and even debilitating sickness are all possible outcomes.
Self-doubt arises as you face new difficulties and opportunities. After all, as many mutual fund disclaimers state, past performance does not guarantee future results. This is especially true when a new project takes you outside of your areas of expertise and, more importantly, your comfort zone.
Simply put, having feelings of self-doubt is not rare, nor is it necessarily unhealthy. If anything, you should be worried about having no doubts at all. If you don’t have any self-doubt regarding anything you do, you’re not expanding or progressing. James Cameron was right when he stated, “No important endeavor that required innovation was done without risk.”
2. Realize that everyone else believes they are faking it, too.
Despite her popularity, poet Maya Angelou always worried that she wasn’t good enough. As she once admitted: “I’ve written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.'”
Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer, has a long track record of success, including serving as chief of staff to former Treasury Secretary Laurence Summers and running Google’s global sales operations. However, she admits that, “I force myself to sit at the table, even when I am not sure I belong there.”
One thing is certain: you are not alone. Contrary to popular belief, success does not arise from never having any doubts. If anything, it is the outcome of admitting that you feel like an imposter while still working, achieving, and succeeding. The next time you’re in a meeting or a conference and feel like you’re faking it to make it, glance around the room and know that everyone else who is successful feels the same way you do.
3. Embrace the fact that you are enough
Accepting the existence of self-doubt and seeing that others, too, feel like imposters allows you to recognize that you are more than capable of accomplishing your purpose. A critical step is to apply Apple Founder Steve Jobs’ famous dictum, “You can only connect [the dots] looking backward.” It often means reflecting on your past successes as well as instances of challenges, and how they can help you face the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
Another step is to realize that you are smarter, more talented, and more influential in your circles than you think. This means trusting in your own intuition and vision. After all, they helped you make past strides and avoid pitfalls that could have impaired your progress.
Finally, you should always stay true to yourself. Authenticity is an overused term. However, it is important in dealing with self-doubt. Ursula Burns, former CEO of Xerox: “I realized I was more convincing to myself and to the people who were listening when I actually said what I thought, versus what I thought people wanted to hear me say.”
4. Continue learning and growing.
But, as I mentioned earlier, self-doubt isn’t all bad. When used as a tool for professional and personal development, it can help you improve in all parts of your life.
Self-doubt can help you admit that you may not be fully prepared to face the next challenge. So, look for books on the project you’re now undertaking. After all, there’s nothing new under the Sun. Also, seek advice from trustworthy sponsors, mentors, and loved ones so that they can help you grow.
Another benefit of self-doubt is humility, which is a necessary antidote to the hubris and arrogance that have ruined countless men and women. Accepting your own insecurities about yourself makes you more forgiving of the flaws of those around you. It can even be valuable in your role as a mentor to the next generation of strivers. Especially your own children.
What Is the Root of Self-Doubt?
They may have frequently questioned their abilities or gotten negative comments from adults in their lives, leading them to internalize incompetence. Others develop self-doubt following negative experiences. This could involve traumatic events, toxic relationships, or sad memories.
Why Do I Overthink and Doubt Myself?
Doubts about our abilities and self-worth can feed the need to replay events in search of possible mistakes. We live in a world that glorifies success and views failure as a defeat. Fear of failing can cause us to overthink every decision, step, and possible outcome.
Is Self-Doubt a Habit?
Self-doubt is a common mental habit, but if not dealt with, it can lead to problems such as overthinking, procrastination, and self-sabotage. Learn how to deal with self-doubt and improve your well-being.
What Are the Dangers of Self-Doubt?
Self-doubt can lead to other insecurities, depression, poor work or social performance, and many other problems. Self-doubt has many drawbacks, but the anxiety that comes with it can be crippling, keeping us from embracing our true selves.
A word from Psychmoments
Trust me, I know how challenging and difficult it is to just start, to make that decision, to continue pushing even without expected results, or even to start afresh after previous failed attempts. But you can’t let self-doubt kill your dreams, you don’t need to be sure about anything, and you don’t need to wait to be perfect remember?
There is no perfect moment to start; launch that app, start your baking business, publish that book in your folder, start writing that script/song, or try another strategy. Don’t let self-doubt hold you down, you are enough! the world needs what you have to offer, we need you fearless! Start now! (drops mic)
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